No, I didnt hurt her. Actually, she got in touch with a painful memory during our coaching call. Here's what happened. She said she was looking for help to get some projects done and I suggested she invite people over to help her. It's amazing what people are willing to do when offered pizza and beer on a weekend. She felt scared about doing this, and she wasnt sure where this feeling was coming from.

I mentioned that often these feelings come from one specific event many, many moons ago. All of a sudden, my client remembered an event when she was young where her cousin said to her, "I don't know why I'm curling your hair when our cousins are here visiting". Without another word, the cousin went traipsing off. OUCH! My client (as a little girl) felt like she didnt count. She brought this belief into her adult years, and it impacted her willingness to ask for help. She was telling herself that if she asked for help with her projects, her friends would just go play somewhere else instead.
Well, with some tears my client and I talked this through and I helped her to replace her old belief with "I do count." and "I deserve to ask for help." With a bit of fear and excitement, she scheduled and successfully pulled off the project party.

What to say when you're hurt.

OUCH! You say ouch when you hurt yourself physically. Why not say ouch when someone hurts your feelings? What a nice way to share what your experience is without blaming the other person. Here's a coaching request. Keep this word "ouch" in your back pocket and use it the next time you experience a verbal sting. Use it as a opener to a dialogue around your hurt. And, notice what response you get from the other person.

Scott Lewis, MSW, CPCC   •    scott@LovingMeAndADD.com     •    651.442.9181