After my last newsletter which mentioned the terrified little girl on the cruise ship, I got an interesting email from my mother. She said, "I also remember that little girl and we did go back down the hall to try and remember which room they had gone into, but we didn't hear anything. You are right. We should have butted into their business in the hallway....I think we all felt bad for the child but no one knew what the right thing was to do....it's always so much easier to say 'I should have'."

Thanks for sharing, Mom. I didn't remember going back to look for the room. Now that she mentioned it, I do have a vague recollection of walking in the hallway listening for the girl's cries. It was long ago enough that my memory is hazy. On the other hand, what I do vividly remember are the moments from the cruise that were a stretch for me. The salsa class with Susan up on stage in front of hundreds of people. Going snorkeling with the sting rays that startled me when they brushed up against my legs. Eating 3 different entres from the buffet line. Oh, wait. That last one was a stretch for my tummy.

Anyway, the point is it's the moments in life where you are connected with yourself that you remember the most. What does that mean? Well, I would say it's the times when you are acting out your values and dreams. The memory stays memorable because it's most in alignment with who you are. Think about that for a moment, and then we'll move on.

During my moment to think, I got to thinking about how often we make decisions not to do something that would have been a memorable moment. Would you agree with me that we more often regret the decisions we have made not to do something than the decisions we made to do something. Here's an example:

I go to an acting class in Tucson every Saturday. I'm not all that interested in being a professional actor, but it's fun and helps with my leading in front of the room at workshops. A few weeks ago we were doing our usual warm-up exercises when a group of young teens walked through our space who were coming back from a hike. We invited them to join us, but only one of them agreed. The rest stood at the side of the class and watched. The kid that did participate had a grand time and left with a big smile on his face. I couldn't help but wonder whether the rest of them would later think about their choice not to participate and regret it. Would they have made a different choice had they known how they would feel afterwards?

So, what decisions are you contemplating right now? Are you making a conscious choice of yes or no, and basing that decision in your own values and dreams?

Be an Actor.

Here's an example of someone who has made the choice to act. He is one of my coaching clients, and his big dream is to be an actor in his life. No, like me he doesn't want to be a stage actor. He wants to be taking action on his intentions and desires. Going for it is his game. Having a life of few regrets. How does that sit with you?

Are you making a mess?

And, I do want to acknowledge that sometimes we find ourselves regretting a decision. That's perfectly fine as long as it is for a brief period of time. Then, it's up to you to get over it. Stop shoulding on yourself. (Otherwise, it will make a big stinkin' mess.) After all, the experience is over with, and life is moving on with or without you (I feel a U2 song coming on).

I've got a secret.

I've got a secret to share with you. I had a couple opportunities to do karaoke when I was on the cruise...

And, I didn't do it. I thought about it, and I never got up the courage to get up there on stage. And yes, I regret not saying yes to it. I now realize that I really enjoy being on stage. So, next cruise I'm taking my own advice, making a different choice, and I'm doing karaoke. You heard it here.

Scott Lewis, MSW, CPCC   •    scott@LovingMeAndADD.com     •    651.442.9181