Try this exercise. Stand up, lift up one leg and stay perfectly still. No really. Try it for me right now. [pause while you try it.]

How did it go? Let me guess. You were continually shifting your weight so that you wouldn’t fall over. Some people wobble more than others, but very few of us can stay perfectly still. This experience is very much like the balance in your life. Unexpected things pop in to surprise you. Stuff happens to mess up your plans. You change one area of your life, and it affects other areas of your life. Good or bad. Planned or unexpected. You need to adjust to the events that happen into your life.

How can you ever truly be in balance? I am reminded of a quote from Sheldon Kopp, “We may only get to keep that which we are willing to let go of. The cool water of the running stream may be scooped up with open, overflowing palms. It cannot be grasped up to the mouth with clenching fists, no matter what thirst motivates our desperate grab.” Trying to stay balanced is like grabbing water. The harder you try, the less you get to enjoy.

So, stop trying to be in balance and be with whatever level of balance you have now.

Allow Imbalance

Let’s be clear here that I’m not saying to let your life fall into utter chaos. I am saying that by accepting that imbalance might occur, things will run smoother. Being too rigid will actually make it harder to bend when “life” happens. It’s sort of like trees that sway in the wind. If they were too rigid, they would snap in the wind like a stick. You, too, can “sway in the wind.”

Here are some strategies to try out:

a.. Flexible Structure
Put your "to do" items that are not time-bound on your schedule at a specific time and be open to moving them to somewhere else on your schedule if life gets in the way. That way you know they will happen at some point. Here’s the key, though. To keep from postponing the item indefinitely, give yourself a limit of 2 times to move the item.

b.. Buffer zones
Leave open 2 half hour slots in your schedule. This is extra time to get stuff done that either took longer than expected or that unexpectedly came up. If everything else gets done and nothing else comes up, then you've got some extra time on your hands to do as you please.

c.. I also like this suggestion from Stephen Covey: sometimes you have to allow for short-term imbalance in your life for the sake of long-term balance. For example, you might choose to spend extra time in the evening looking for a job that is more suited to you, instead of spending time with your family. Eventually, you will get that better job, go back to spending evening time with your family, and have a higher balance than you had before.

More Tidbits on "Balance"

a.. For women who want a daily reading to support balance in their life, try out the book “Simple Abundance: A Daybook of Comfort and Joy” by Saran Ban Breathnach. This is a wonderful book that celebrates the feminine.

b.. Another suggestion to create balance is to have [put your name here] time. This is a short period of time in your day when you get to do whatever you want without any expectations and to let off some steam. No goals. No plans. Maybe you have a list of fun things to choose from, but you choose in the moment what works best for you.

c.. If you’re still stuck, then what? Well, you might speak with a friend or hire a coach to get suggestions from another viewpoint. Other strategies will be discussed in a future newsletter. Stay tuned or call me to get the scoop now.

Copyright 2006
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No part of this newsletter may be used or reproduced in any manner without prior written permission from the author. However, please feel free to forward this newsletter in its entirety to anyone who might benefit from receiving it.

Scott Lewis, MSW, CPCC   •    scott@LovingMeAndADD.com     •    651.442.9181